


The Solitude of Jekyll and Hyde

by samarasharazi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drugs, Emotional Manipulation, Huang Ren Jun & Lee Donghyuck | Haechan Are Best Friends, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Infidelity, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan Being an Asshole, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minimum Wage, Murder, Neurodiversity, Non-Graphic Smut, Non-Graphic Violence, Rapper Mark Lee (NCT), Side Ships, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, prepare for it to be all over the place, this fic is gonna be A LOT
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:28:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23910832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samarasharazi/pseuds/samarasharazi
Summary: When Mark had come down to Korea at only nine years of age, he hadn't really expected anything more than he was given. Then he met Yukhei. And then his little brother, Donghyuck.Sometimes even a curse can be hidden under the sweetest of drugs.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Mark Lee/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 18
Kudos: 26





	1. i. a letter to my past

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, welcome to ANOTHER fic of mine instead of all the other ones i could be completing :) I'm so freaking excited for this story, you won't even believe. Aa few things about this fiction however:
> 
> 1\. The contents of this story can be heavy and all warnings have been mentioned in the tags above. /if you don't feel comfortable with any of those things, I kindly suggest you don't progress further with this story <33
> 
> 2\. The style of writing coming with this fiction will be quite frivolous in the first half of the story until it progresses to a more established place with the characters and setting. The style of writing is chosen to reflect the dynamics of all the characters and can be sometimes hard to understand or read or could perhaps even be a bit annoying. At times it might feel like a tween is writing this, but I promise I'm just a writing major who's posting this in the middle of the night! For that I apologise but I'm taking this fic to try something new and I hope all of you will join me in supporting it :))
> 
> 3\. Inspiration of this story comes from the songs Jekyll - EXO, Solitude - Joep Beving and After The Silence - Leon Branche, Incandescence - Rebecca Leonard. And yes, I'm definitely writing a heavy ass story about the struggles of living under the average wage line based off piano pieces cause they make a bitch sad, okay?
> 
> ALSO STREAM RIDIN' IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY, I LOVE YOU AND DO NOT FORGET TO LEAVE A COMMENT AND KUDOS MWAH <3333333  
  
---  
  
**D** ear Lee Donghyuck,

You probably don’t want to hear from me ever again, and I understand that. I’m trying to recognise all that you’ve done for me even if it’s taken all this time and I beg of you to let me do that. I know we haven’t spoken in a few years now and I almost think your forgotten me but I’m here now. I hope you haven’t forgotten me, you’ve even changed your phone number and deleted your social media. Yukhei won’t tell me anything about you either. I just want to talk to you and I want you to listen this time.

Yukhei is coming here to Canada to live with me, he hasn’t told you yet I know but I’m going to tell you now. You deserve to know at least that before he actually leaves you behind. He’s been offered a management position at that publishing house you always used to rant about, can you believe? We both know how much he’s been dreaming for this.

I want you to come with him. I want us to try again, even if it’s just as friends. You deserve to live a better life and I want to give that to you. Sell your shop and come here. Sell the apartment and get rid of all those books you hated. You could make good money with all those collector editions you stole.

You don’t have to forgive me even after all these years for what I’ve done. Although I beg you would, all I want from you is to leave that place behind and give us another chance. Surely I mean something to you, enough for you to consider something like this.

I’d love to hear back from you,

Forever yours,

Mark 

✶  
  
---  
  
**T** here was someone there talking to him, Mark felt them beside him when all the other bodies around him were dancing. He could tell by the way a hand had wrapped itself around the span of his waist as if it was a way to draw him closer.

The only thing was that Mark couldn’t hear them, not over the loud music and _definitely_ not over his beating heart. The hand holding him down was already numb on his skin. All he could feel was the heat.

Someone was speaking to him but Mark’s eyes sat on the bowed head only metres away from the shaky stage, mutely speaking with a stranger. There was a wad of cash sitting messily in his open palm, waiting for the other man to take it. Then a plastic pocket was handed over.

Suddenly the stranger had disappeared.

Mark didn’t bother in telling the person talking to him that he was leaving, his feet only guided him firmly as he made his way to the boy who was now walking away to what Mark could only assume was the bathroom.

The boy seemed to know his way around the club and avoided the crowding line to go to the toilet, instead manoeuvring himself away and out of the stuffy room and into the blackened alleyway where another toilet lay behind the complex. He didn’t notice the loud footsteps coming from Mark as he pranced forward with a confidence Mark has only since in one specific situation several times.

Doors like the one to the dirty bathroom the boy went in creaked with only the slightest of movements, slamming fast into your face if you let it. Mark was only seconds off his feet when the boy entered.

“What do you want, Mark?” the boy drawled the moment Mark came barging in like a bull, blind with anger as he tried to search for the boy that had his head hung low.

There he was, in all his glory, standing inside one of the three cubicles unravelling the parcel he’d been handed only moments before from his pocket. He didn’t even seem to be looking at Mark, maybe only staring at the cracks in the mirror behind him, perhaps the words sprayed on by paint screaming ‘only faggots go to hell’.

But Mark was furious and he didn’t _care_ whether he was looking or not or if there were words plastered behind his head. All he could see was the red lining the very figure in front of him and how those dull eyes that he’d memorised through years of wear were suddenly focused on the tiny little tablets sitting prettily in the parcel, enticing the boy to draw to his mouth.

So he walked forward and startled the boy who’d suddenly placed one of them in his mouth, like a rise of challenge to Mark. Now, he was searching for something in his face, flipping through the catalogues of trauma filed in Mark’s mind with one of the only keys that had access to it.

He was backed against one of the walls of the cubicle, the divider dirty and cool behind his back, the black paint chipping with all the words graffitied on it through the years. Mark towered over him, if only by a few short centimetres. Right now though, it felt like miles.

Mark’s hand coiled into a fist by his side. “Spit it out,” he snarled, putting every bit of force into his words.

But the boy didn’t listen, he didn’t want to register the words coming out of Mark’s mouth. He refused.

The hand that flew up to grip his chin harshly however changed his mind. _Now,_ he was just as furious.

“I said,” the hand on the boy’s cheek tightened, and they were both sure that it would leave marks all the way into the next week. Mark however, was relentless. “Spit. It. Out. Donghyuck.”

With fury in his eyes, Donghyuck did just that. Guided by the hand still on his face, he looked only at Mark as he lowered down to the toilet and spat it out. Then Mark gave him the flask that was in his pocket, showing it into his chest. Donghyuck could feel the pain clearly like a ring around his heart.

Donghyuck refused to cry.

“Wash it out with this,” Mark ordered. Donghyuck didn’t give him the time to hear the crack in his voice nor the comfort held in his words that wasn’t there before. He knew Mark was doing all this for his brother, not because he actually cared.

The swipe of alcohol tasted familiar on his tongue, like a hastily made home, as he washed out his mouth several times before spitting it back out into the toilet again. It was almost a shame to see cheap rum wash down the filthy plastic of the toilet bowl, mixing in with the down dissolved tablet.

The air was silent between them when Mark reached over and flushed the toilet, closing the lid. He turned to Donghyuck and let the grip on his face go. There was a gasp of unfiltered relief that echoed around the cubicle and an embarrassed flush to Donghyuck’s cheeks when Mark looked his way.

With a distant wave of realisation, Mark had done what he’d came here to do but he didn’t want to leave.

“Give me the bag,” he said, letting his hand reach forward into the air with his palm forward. Donghyuck looked at the creases lining it for a moment until he sighed and gave it to him. Mark pocketed them with an ill hesitation, letting his fingers stumble at the pocket of his jacket.

Under this light, it was impossible to contain the unlawful thoughts of best friend’s brother standing in front him. The boy looked hurt, on the verge of tears as all his walls of confidence diminished right in the presence of a boy like Mark, someone who was much too good for a place like this.

Mark was reminded to the words sprayed right outside of this cubicle and wondered if they bothered Donghyuck. He didn’t know if he had the right to say anything about it however.

“What was it?” he asked instead, letting his syllables become softer as if he was trying to tame a wild lion cub. He didn’t know when Donghyuck was going to lash out.

Donghyuck swallowed thickly and scrunched up his brows. He looked up into the moth-drawn light. “LSD is what the guy said they were.”

Mark was shocked.

“You didn’t even know what you were asking for? You just wanted to get high!” he exclaimed, letting his anger momentarily get to him. He slammed a fist into the wall into by Donghyuck’s head, blowing out his mouth.

A whimper is what threw him out of his spell, when he looked back to see Donghyuck with his eyes closed and shivering. Like water, the anger washed out of his body seeing the boy who was always so strong on the verge of tears.

“Donghyuck…”

It was like setting off a bomb that’d lain dormant for years, the way Donghyuck’s eyes flew open to look at Mark, the steady breath he blew out as he stood taller against the divider. He was begging for something.

Donghyuck let out a breath, tickling the loose strands of his fringe. “Mark, fuck me.”

There was no moment of consideration in his mind when Donghyuck pulled him by the collar to meet in the middle, lips crashing against one another in the clash of a war. No breath was exchanged between the two, Donghyuck wouldn’t allow that.

It was messy and chaotic and dirty in every way Mark had dreamed about being with Donghyuck. Every fantasy he’d revised through the years sat impatiently in front of him, begging for him to take.

And he took, pulling harshly on Donghyuck’s freshly dyed caramel hair until the boy whined into his mouth. He drowned in the feeling of his pretty tan skin under his fingernails. All he wanted to do was to blemish it, draw welts from the scratches he’d put later on down his back.

“Fuck,” Donghyuck moaned into Mark’s mouth, biting down on his bottom lip with the way Mark slammed his hips into the rattling wood and squeezed on his hipbones.

Any coherent thoughts went out the window the moment Donghyuck felt lips glide down to his neck, biting down on the fading marks made by strangers weeks before. There seemed to be no jealousy in the way Mark lapped up against each single one of them and created new ones, holding a wriggling mess in his hands as Donghyuck pulled hard against his hair and moaned.

Mark, like the angel he was, was lenient in the way he held Donghyuck down. He loosened his hand enough so that Donghyuck could rise his hips from the wall and grind down against Mark. A selfless act with selfish results.

It was too hot between them and Mark groaned right in Donghyuck’s ear as he kept grinding down, elevating his breath when a thigh came to rest against his own side. Mark held onto the flesh over his jeans, desperately wishing the boundaries were gone.

And that’s what happened. A hand came clawing at Mark’s jacket, pleading for it to come off. It didn’t take long however, as it came down and hit the mouldy tiles under them, next following his shirt.

In front of him, Donghyuck had his brother’s only friend half naked in front of him, licking his lips for _him._ It made him feel so incredibly wanted, and in that moment, he didn’t care whether he was going to have sex in a dirty public bathroom.

Taking off his own shirt, he beckoned Mark back over with a single finger. He caught his breath as Mark’s finger grazed down his arms, his hips, thighs. He felt like he was losing it instead.

One thing led to another and Donghyuck’s belt was being loosened alongside Mark’s while his back arched into wall, hands gripping his shoulders as Mark touched him delicately.

“Do we even have anything?” Mark’s rough voice interrupted his empty mind, filling the bathroom with more than just moans and whining. Donghyuck couldn’t even think to give a proper response, only giving enough to nod his head.

Mark sighed and dug into his own jacket, finding the lone condom packet one of his friends had snuck in there earlier and then went and went to search the back pocket of Donghyuck’s jeans. He felt the tiny bottle he was looking for and immediately grinned when he saw how much the whiny boy was shaking.

“Baby, how do you want it?” Mark came over and whispered right into Donghyuck’s ear. It took every ounce of strength within himself not to come right then and there and instead laughed breathily, turning around weakly until his hands were secure against the wall.

Behind him, Mark laughed bringing himself forward to earn a gasp from Donghyuck. He could feel Mark’s cold hands soothing him, letting them rest wetly behind him and take over as he wriggled in the hold he had against his hips.

There was pain there, a grunt of self-control coming from Mark when Donghyuck whined into the floor, the discomfort fully evident even as he moved. Then it became something more and it had Donghyuck _gasping._

“Why are you so loud?” Mark grinned, hands travelling down Donghyuck’s bare back. He could feel every dip and bump under his fingertips. It left them both burning.

At one point, they both realised that people had come into the toilet with them but they were far past the point of self-awareness and all it made was Mark’s hips go faster all so the newcomers could hear how loud Donghyuck could be. The people left very soon after that.

When it was coming to an end however, Mark became torturous. He turned Donghyuck around ever so delicately because he wanted to _see_ him. He wanted that moment of forbidden intimacy between them before it all fell apart. And Donghyuck was too far gone not to give him that.

Sweetly, against the rotting wood, Mark fucked Donghyuck until the boy was crying silent tears neither of them would wipe away. Mark wanted those stains to last even after they were long done. He loved how pretty they made the bad lighting in the bathroom look, reflecting it like sparkles down Donghyuck’s cheek. Only moments before was he yelling and hurting this boy, someone he would claim he didn’t know for his own selfish gain.

“Don’t cry, gorgeous,” the endearment came out naturally as he whispered to him between their sweaty bodies. Mark dipped down and caught one of Donghyuck’s nipples with his mouth, playing with it lightly until he was getting a stuttering Donghyuck above him. He could feel the boy’s hips lag as he tired, holding onto Mark with all the energy he had left.

It didn’t take long for Mark to help them finish. It happened in the way Donghyuck’s lips caught his for the last time, that small moan against his lips when all he could taste was the saltiness from Donghyuck’s tears. It was in the way Mark held onto his fragile body for as tight as he could, drawing him impossibly closer with no mind of how dirty they both felt. He wanted to lay his head into Donghyuck’s neck for as long as he could.

But even magic spells diminish at one point, leaving the destruction left behind for the people to clean up. This was there mess to magickly whisk away.

Clothes strewn around them all on the dirty floor, their sweat and cum melded into them with no way to clean up. They’d left themselves with the worst mindset, a frazzled boy with messy hair and a sinking heart and another with pure guilt burning right into his gut until he could look at the other no more.

Without speaking, Mark helped Donghyuck clean himself up and then throw away the condom. They redressed, set back down their hair, did everything they could without looking into each other’s eye. Mark felt he would throw up if he did.

But something snapped. Whether it was a small movement or the hand that lay on Mark’s wrist before he could leave, all that held within him spilled like acid. Mark was too blind to see how he’d gotten the poison right over Donghyuck, right until he had him sitting on the closed toilet lid.

“Don’t touch me,” Mark hissed, snatching away his hand before Donghyuck could hold it anymore. He wasn’t thinking when he looked down at the boy in disgust and spat at the floor by his feet, he didn’t even _care_ about he was doing.

Donghyuck reached out again, eyes incredibly hurt now as he eyed the spit on the floor. Mark didn’t see the glossiness wetting Donghyuck’s eyes.

He became a monster right there, all claws and teeth with dragon’s breath. He almost literally growled at Donghyuck, vibrating with all that was pent up in his body and rising to the top. He could feel it spilling over and Donghyuck was going to be the one burned by it if stayed any longer.

“I said don’t touch me!” he shouted, jumping away from him and unlocking the cubicle door. “Don’t ever touch me again.”

He stepped out, turning to Donghyuck one last time. He eyed the way the boy was drawn into himself with only his eyes left on Mark like a betrayal to his own heart. He was giving Mark one final effort before he left him at last to recover alone, fucked into oblivion by a boy who never respected him in the dirtiest place possible. Donghyuck wondered how he could allow something so low and disrespectful to ever happen to himself.

Mark proved him that.

“You’re absolutely disgusting,” Mark spit, drawing his jacket closer to rid himself of the cold. “You’re filthy, Donghyuck.”


	2. ii. winter is not a wonderland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another update of the wonderful SJH where we watch our favourite idols turn into fictitious characters with horrible lives and even more interesting lifestyles. We love fucking with them like my little voodoo dolls *cue evil laugh*
> 
> if you liked this give it a cute little comment or a long one to make me cry ahah...and a kudos too! cute bye xxx
> 
> TW// blood and injury, use of weed ha

**“D** o you even know where to find him?” Renjun asked, passing over the blunt with his burnt fingers. Donghyuck could still faintly see the marks of scrubbed off cheap paint the boy always liked to use when it didn’t involve projects for school. “I think he made it very clear that he doesn’t want to see you again.”

“Oh, I know.”

Under the disguise of summer, Donghyuck sat there with Renjun blowing smoke up at the night sky. He kept trying to eye the the tendrils of grey smoke as long as he could before they disappeared into black with the rest of the sky. Beside him, Renjun was the one who was humming an unfamiliar song with the blunt sitting nicely between his fingers.

Unsurprisingly, they were talking Mark. The conversation had turned sour and unnatural the moment his name was brought up but Donghyuck couldn’t help to care when his mind was this unfocused and the stars were starting to merge into one another. Especially not when his best friend was warming his hand with his own, drawing tiny circles on the back like he used to when they were younger.

“You would think after more than a decade of knowing each other, he’d react a little more differently,” Donghyuck huffed. He watched bats above them swarm together, blinding away any light the remaining sun was giving them. All he could do was listen to the sounds of their wings, the calls that turned into a symphony the longer one paid attention to it.

Renjun was the one who turned around then, frazzled by Donghyuck’s words. “Why should you even care? He hurt you!” he exclaimed as he pushed himself off the damp grass now indented with their body shapes.

Donghyuck supposed his friend didn’t understand the situation he was in, that maybe everything he was thinking about now wouldn’t be comprehensible to anyone else. Renjun definitely wouldn’t be able to understand when their romantic lives didn’t correlate with one another what so ever.

If someone had come up to Donghyuck only days before and asked about Mark Lee, he would’ve responded with a ‘probably in his room with my brother’. That was the extent of his interest in the boy because all he’s ever been raised to do was get used to his presence. And he did, Mark was at their house all the time and from the house to their apartment where his brother spent most of his time on his old, beaten up laptop taking his online classes.

The thing about Donghyuck though, was that he was stubborn and stingy and felt that everything had to be his even when he didn’t want it. And now that it was evident Mark had no interest in him, all Donghyuck wanted to do was crawl back to him and crash right into his unwanted heart. What he did after wasn’t much a concern to him now.

He sighed and looked to Renjun. “To be perfectly honest, I care more about the money I spent on those tablets. Yukhei gave it to me before and now I don’t even have anything with it,” pouted Donghyuck right into the collar of Renjun’s jacket. He felt the shiver that ran down his back.

“Knowing Mark, he’s probably already gotten one of his friends to resell it and given the amount they were worth back to your brother.”

See, Donghyuck didn’t know why that annoyed him. Every step Yukhei took, Mark was right there behind him to hold onto his back if his slipped. He wondered how a person could be so amazingly attached to another that every running thought had to be about them and what they ate, if they did their work, were they okay or did they did something.

Donghyuck let the conversation turn silent and instead looked at Renjun when the other had his eyes closed. He was trying to figure out why it bugged him so much. He was so _tired._

Renjun and Donghyuck’s dynamics were much different to Mark and his brother’s. The very idea of having someone to watch out for you constantly was haunting at the least and Renjun _understood_ that. When one or the other wanted to rant about the lecturer of their last class, they were there to nod and make comment if they wanted to. If Yukhei wanted to rant about something, Mark would put it on himself to make sure he was there in front of Yukhei speaking face to face, making up the stupidest of jokes even Donghyuck from the other room couldn’t help crackling at when his brother needed them.

Donghyuck was fine with being alone, in fact, he thrived with the ability to keep his thoughts to himself. That way it was less cluttered with all the other input from others. When it was just him and what he thought was right, _it_ was right. No one else was there to rebut a single thought.

Mark on the other side of the coin, always needed someone to hold his hand. Every step he took he felt another needed to be by his side to encourage him along. That was why he and Donghyuck’s brother worked so well together. Their insecurities evened each other out and to Donghyuck, it was almost incredible how well it worked.

“You know,” Renjun said and rolled onto his back again. Donghyuck wanted to whine when he stopped singing the soft tune in favour of speaking. “Mark’s a really good friend. You should be thankful that your brother has a friend like him.”

Donghyuck hummed in agreement but didn’t choose to respond and Renjun had started singing again. He didn’t know if he could. Instead, he just let the notes of Renjun’s voice grow louder until a lullaby formed under his head, pillowing his sleep with a blanket wrapped from all the soft lyrics sung into the night.

-

_The frost was tacky against Mark’s cold skin. It bit away at all forms of sense and yet there was still something urging the young boy to move forward and out of the house._

_“Grannie, I’m going to see Lucas now!” He shouted the best he could from the open front door. He’d taken the initiative to dress himself in his favourite snow jacket, the one his mother had bought him for his eighth birthday. Somehow extraordinarily after four years, the coat seemed to fit him perfectly. Sometimes Mark thought it might’ve been magic keeping this jacket with him. It might’ve been his mum._

_A noise from the kitchen came through the hall, “make sure to bundle up, Minnie!” his grandma shouted, “we don’t have any more of that medication to give you if you get sick!”_

_Mark made sure to double check his attire in the mirror right by the door, paying no mind to the little shards of glass crusting on the table below it where it was broken. He didn’t know that happened._

_The journey from his house to Yukhei’s was one that took only a few steps and a few breaths to keep in track. Practically neighbours, the two of them saw each other whenever they could. They walked together, caught the school bus together, even went to the park together!_

_Now though, what urged Mark forward into the broken footpath wasn’t the usual need to see Yukhei so they could go play. Instead, a burning nervousness took over his chest, almost as if he knew something wasn’t right. He couldn’t just simply go tell his grandma or grandpa about it. They wouldn’t listen._

_He had to do this alone._

_The snow was crisp like the apples he liked to eat with Yukhei on the weekends, melting under his feet when he stepped on it. The sound soothed his nerves the further he trudged on through the cold weather._

_When he got to the fences that separated the Huang’s house from their neighbours, Mark knew suddenly that there was something off._

_Mark had told Yukhei so many times before that they should lock the front of the house but they never did. Every time he raved on about how strangers could come and steal or hurt them, his friend would just laugh and say nothing would ever happen to them. He always would say that his parents wouldn’t ever listen anyway so there was never any point._

_Today, the front door was locked. And the back door. It was_ **_never_ ** _locked. That had to mean something._

_Mark tried looking for different ways in, through the side window Donghyuck always had open or the cellar door. Every lead he tried reaching broke apart right through his fingertips._

_He was on the verge of crying, helpless and alone when he knew he could be doing something to help. It only made it worse not knowing exactly what he was worrying about, but he knew that it was bad._

_He heard something to the right of him thrashing around, like the sound of a squirrel in the fall. But right now it wasn’t fall and all Mark could hear was the whimpering of a human being, one that sounded a lot like Yukhei’s younger brother._

_“Donghyuck?” he approached the tree slowly, steps falling silent as the sound became louder. It was coming from behind the trunk of the tree where the tree house they’d built only lasts summer stood proudly. Yet someone was hurt behind it._

_Mark saw him then, the wrangled mess all covered by blood. He was leaning against the bark like he was waiting for something to save him. Mark was here to save him._

_“Donghyuck?” He asked again when he was closer, holding out his arms to show that it was just him. Although Donghyuck rather disliked him a lot, seeing those little stumpy fingers he’d seen so many times against the strings of a guitar sent a jolt of relief right through his back._

_“Hyung-” he called for Mark, weakly reaching with his wet hand to the boy. The fact that he was losing blood in the very second they were speaking sent shouts of panic to Mark. He basically rushed up to his bloody side, unsure what to do with his hands as he assessed the situation._

_Someone was crying, Mark could hear it. When he turned around, he realised it was himself simply dumb to the feeling of the tears freezing on his face. The shock of seeing blood like this again was bringing too many things in his mind that he couldn’t help and the panic was fast approaching against his throat._

_Donghyuck was reaching out for him. “Mark,” his voice sounded mute against Mark’s ears. He could only feel the shake of his coat as Donghyuck stared at him with wide eyes._

_“W-What happened?” he heard his own voice breaking, gripping onto the hand Donghyuck so weakly held out for him. His blood started staining his coat where Donghyuck gripping onto him. Right then, he didn’t care._

_There was a laugh that came from Donghyuck, a laugh too self-deprecating for a ten year old. The blood was a little too fresh for a ten year old._

_“I fell from the treehouse and mum locked me out so I wouldn’t get in.”_

_The arm Donghyuck was cradling was broken, Mark could see now. He saw the way it was bent in the wrong angle and he could easily_ see _that the blood was from his head and not from a stab wound or anything. But Mark still felt like he was going explode._

_As an eleven year old boy with no experience in stuff like this at all, Mark was making ends collide as he stared at the boy slowly falling out of consciousness in front of him from the pain and blood loss combined. Had he known what a concussion was, he would’ve been screaming from the top of his lungs for someone to come help._

_There was only one thing running through his mind in that moment. Mark knew he couldn’t get help from inside the house. “You stay here and make no noise, alright?” he ordered Donghyuck as he stood up, willing his legs to straighten with strength and not wobble. He had to go find a neighbour that would help._

_And so a little Mark ran panting down the street, making no eyes meet to anything as he focused on his grandparent’s house at the end of the street and crying because he was scared. This was the second time in his life seeing that much blood and he was really,_ really _scared._

_“Grandma!” He cried the moment he caught onto the door of their house. She was already there, eyes up in concern when she saw the red staining all over his hands and jacket._

_She ran over to his side, pulling him away from the cold to examine him and make sure he was okay. There was an urgency in her eyes that Mark simply couldn’t understand at that age._

_“Are you alright? What happened, Minhyung?” she asked frantically, shaking him as if to know that he was still standing there in front of her. The tears hadn’t stopped flowing from the moment Mark had left Donghyuck’s side._

_“D-Donghyuckie, he’s hurt, grandma, and h-he’s bleeding,” he cried into her neck, drawing his arms around her the moment he could. The ground was shaking under his feet and he just felt so dizzy. Why did he see so much blood before? It was so sticky between his fingers._

_She stood up steadily and wiped off his tears so Mark would see her, holding out a hand for him to hold. “I’m going to call an ambulance now for him and we’ll go there, okay?” She assured him, smiling softly when she saw him nod._

_All that had to happen was for Donghyuck to stay safe. Mark didn’t like little and annoying Donghyuck crying and hurt, he wasn’t supposed to look like that. Not ever. He was a strong boy and he made everyone watch his stupid dances._

_The winter air was a little more numb to Mark when they stood out again to rush over to the Huang’s house. The cars passing by were little bundles of light yet no one cared when the two of them were running on the slippery concrete to get to an aching boy. Mark prayed he was still awake._

_Mark’s grandmother had the cold phone gripped firm in her hand as the emergency line was on the other side, communicating with her on the location of the incident. Mark couldn’t hear what they were saying but by the looks she was giving his way, he felt any help might take a bit of time._

_“Donghyuck!” He shouted the moment the stepped foot into their yard, running at full speed back to the tree he left him at. He was relieved to see the boy opening his eyes even a little slowly to look at the two figures kneeling in front of him._

_“Grandma Lee, hi,” he greeted weakly, laughing through ill given coughs when he finally realised someone was there to help him. He didn’t register the untouched hand Mark was holding onto tightly, rubbing away all the blood crystallising slowly over his cold skin._

_Mrs. Lee smiled at him at the attempt to be polite even in his state of pain. Her favourite boy. “Darling, just relax, okay?” she murmured calmly into his side, bringing a soft hand to inspect the gaping slice at the back of Donghyuck’s head. She finalised that was where all the blood was coming from. He winced under her careful touch._

_Mark was still crying where Donghyuck had stopped. He didn’t even know why. Neither of them did, but Donghyuck appreciated it when Mark would squeeze his freeing hands as a way to warm them. It let him know that there were people there looking after them._

_“Where are your parents?” Mrs. Lee asked a moment after she could see Donghyuck’s eyes drooping once more. She had to keep him awake._

_Mark felt himself tense even when Donghyuck did his best to shrug and look away, perhaps at the dying flowers Yukhei had planted with his brother four years ago. “They’re inside,” he said. Mark wanted to throw something. “They saw me fall and decided it was too much work for them to help me so they just ignored me instead.”_

_In the distance, there were alarms. It was a relief to hear them draw closer until finally they could the large vehicle park hurriedly in front of the small block. Mark started sobbing again when he heard the voices of paramedics opening and closing their doors quickly, coming to help._

_It was like a hidden fantasy as he watched it all happen. They made him step away, losing his grip on Donghyuck’s lacking hand. He almost imagined the cry from the injured boy when they told him to gently let go. They explained to Mark that they had to analyse Donghyuck to ensure they could help him the best they could._

_That settled him down enough._

_Mrs. Lee was there to consume Mark in her arms as they brought out a stretcher for Donghyuck to lay down on. When he saw they were putting some mask over his face, Mark panicked immediately and turned into his grandma’s chest, hiding his cries as rough orders went right over his head. He was too scared to look._

_One of the paramedics approached them suddenly when they were done looking at Donghyuck’s head wound, wrapping his body up to transfer him into the back of the ambulance. Mrs. Lee had to forcefully turn Mark’s shoulders to give his attention to the woman staring kindly back at him._

_“Are you the brave boy who found this young man?” she asked, smiling ever so softly that for a single moment Mark thought it might’ve been his mother staring back at him instead._

_He nodded shyly, hiding his face in the folds of his scarf and away from the adult lady. New people were scary to Mark._

_Hands came to settle on his shoulders to anchor Mark as the paramedic bent down to his level and breathed in. “I presume that boy is your friend?” Mark hummed slowly. “Well, he’s been calling for a Minhyung which he insists is you. It might be too much for you but would you like to sit in the back of the ambulance with him?”_

_There it was, the big decision Mark had been contemplating in his mind the moment he’d seen the woman come closer to them. It was inevitable for the question to come up and now he was shaking right in the spot he stood. His grandmother could feel it clearly under her aging palms._

_“I, uh, I-I don’t want to,” he stammered, breathing in through his nose. It was something Yukhei had taught him to do the first time this sort of feeling had happened in front of his friend. He tried to imagine his best friend’s voice now, trying to reach for a rope in the middle of the sea._

_The smile slipped from the paramedic’s face. All it left behind was confusion. “Are you sure, he’s crying your name,” she tried again. Had Mark grown up a few years later, he’d realise that maybe it wasn’t right of her to push an unstable young boy for answers._

_“No, I don’t want to!”_

_And so it was left like that. She retreated and Mark turned back into his grandmother’s warm sweater. When he breathed in, he could smell the jasmine tea she forced him to drink every day to keep healthy. It relaxed his bones into liquid as she rubbed his back, murmuring something he wouldn’t listen to._

_Just like it had come, the sirens came on and off to leave them behind in the backyard of his best friend’s house. All Mark could think about was how Donghyuck’s parents were still locked up in there, probably with their ears to the thinest window to hear the commotion going on outside. The blind anger that settled in his throat couldn’t compare to the worry of where his own friend might be._

_Yukhei wouldn’t take his brother’s injury well, Mark knew that much. And by what he’s learnt from his friend, their parents won’t be taking anything lightly after this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't forget to vote and leave a kudos if you liked it <333 love you always 
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/doyounglberry)


	3. iii. nine o'clock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, welcome to the third chapter of this fic. it's been a while since I've updated it but I really do love this story so I decided to write until I was satisfied enough with the result. it's not /that/ amazing, but I genuinely just wanted to continue on with the story. 
> 
> tw// alcohol, drug testing 
> 
> I'd love to hear from all of you, especially since I try extra hard with this fic so I'd appreciate your comments and kudos, cc's that you could leave. there's my twitter too!  
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/doyounglberry)  
> [my curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/samarasharazi)
> 
> enjoy!!

**“G** reat job, Mark. Go take a break,” Johnny said, smiling as the boy stumbled off the slippery stage with the biggest smile his face could allow. Tonight had been a good session.

Mark could still hear it in his ears, even as the smaller crowd had dulled down with the anticipation for the next performer, the adrenaline lasted. He could taste the bile from his exerted energy, bringing his body down from the fatigue and the many shots of rum Yukhei had given him right before his stage. But it all felt so _good,_ the ache was worth it.

Someone threw him a dirty towel to wipe down his face but he threw it back, scrambling for his own friends sitting in the back against the bar. Dejun was already holding out his water bottle, scoring that very on-brand smirk of his. Even with his hand outstretched, he had no problem talking to Kunhang right next to him about the girl with the flimsy skirt ordering from the bar.

“Stop eyeing the poor girl,” Mark huffed and flopped right into the seat that hid her from their view. “I saw her talking to a bulky dude before and by the way they were interacting, I’d assume that was her boyfriend.”

Kunhang snorted but focused back to his drink anyway, muttering something under his breath that Mark didn’t quite get. Yukhei was in his own world on his phone, aggressively hitting letters on his broken screen. Mark could’ve guessed who he was talking to just from the set plaster of his shoulders.

“Did you have another argument with Yuqi?” Mark wondered. Yukhei looked up for the first time then, turning red from the unwanted attention. Dejun snorted into his straw and swung his seat to look at the bartender.

Yukhei wasn’t much for outings like this. In fact, he never went out unless it was for Mark’s competitions like the one tonight. He protested that it was plenty enough adventure for him. It was kind of funny to see a giant like him to be so scared of crowded places like this, although Mark understood now that it was in fact no laughing matter at all. His fear had always remained the same, from the time he met Dejun and Kunhang back in kinder to the time he met Mark and still to this day.

Someone coughed between them. “Maybe we should go now, then,” Kunhang suggested lightly, staring up from his empty glass. They all nodded with him and thanked the bartender, Mark being the nice one to leave an extra tip as the other three ran out of the club.

For a summer night, it was cold. “Holy shit, I should’ve brought my jacket,” Dejun complained as they dragged him along down the pathway. People would bump into them as they walked, no apology given while they stumbled to get back home. Their close proximity kept Mark warm even as the adrenaline started to wear off.

It was quite busy for a night in Seoul. Yes, it was a Saturday night and the lights flourished in the distance, the people jumbled around in excited voices, but it was strange. Everyone seemingly wanted to be somewhere. Mark didn’t really understand that.

Nights after Mark’s competitions, the four of them stayed at Dejun and Kunhang’s place since it was just them. When they stayed up that long in the city, Yukhei wasn’t willing to disturb Donghyuck from whatever he was doing in that moment and Mark was the same with his grandmother. He’d always just call her beforehand to let her know he wasn’t coming home that night.

“Dude, we should stock up your supply while we’re here,” Mark said, stopping them when he pointed to the alcohol store. The light flickered above them, dirty webs covering half the sign. More people passed them, some hand in hand.

One look at each other and they were suddenly inside browsing through the isles, Kunhang and Dejun on the beers while the other two went to search for interesting soju flavours to try out. The store was basically empty except them.

The moment they were away, Mark turned to Yukhei. “Were you actually texting her?” he asked, gently lowering his voice unconsciously as he spoke. His eyes searched through his friend's, waiting for him to speak.

Yukhei sighed and placed back the bottle he was holding to his chest.

“Yeah,” he said. He turned away to look at something else. Mark closed his eyes for a second and weighed his options. He could feel the fatigue drowning him now, the sensation against the tips of his fingers was there.

He opened them again and pulled on Yukhei’s sleeve gently. “Hey, look at me.”

It was like magic every time Yukhei listened to Mark. No one else could do that, not even his brother. Slowly, he turned back to Mark, blushing a little red when he met eyes with him.

“Just tell her that you need some time to think about it, and that maybe some space is good for the both of you,” Mark explained. It was simple enough, easy to understand and easy for Yukhei to nod his head looking at back down at the blank screen.

He fiddled with the broken glass at the corner of his phone. “I think this might be the end of us though,” Yukhei said, looking up at Mark’s concerned eyes. “We’ve been through so much and I really think she’s done with us this time.”

“And then that would be on her,” Mark came in with it right away, bringing his hand forward to rub Yukhei’s shoulder. The warmth under his palm made Mark want to sink down to the floor. “It simply just means that you two aren’t meant for each other and that’s okay, Lucas.”

By the time the other two found them, Mark had somehow managed a whole arms full of soju and tequila but the cheapest they could find. It wasn’t like they were purchasing half of it anyways. The more expensive stuff was stashed discreetly behind their clothes in places that wouldn’t get caught.

“Let’s go,” Kunhang signalled them to the front where the cashier was, bored out of his mind while playing on his phone. He didn’t even notice the four boys walking up to him with wickedly calm smiles on their faces.

Dejun was the one to walk up first by popular demand, giving the man his very persuasive smile as he leaned forward to get his attention.

“Hi, sir,” he said, tapping his fingers on the counter. The cashier looked up to them and scowled immediately, huffing before throwing his phone away. “Is this register open?”

It might’ve been the only register open but the man nodded nevertheless, glancing behind Dejun to assess the rest of them smiling back with the bottles held firmly in their hands. “Yeah, bring your things and I’ll serve you,” he said. Dejun thanked him politely and beckoned the boys forward.

They placed all the bottles on the counter (in reality it wasn’t that many since they couldn’t afford to spend so much), and all showed their ID’s when the man asked for it. All of it was easy and fast, and all Mark had to do was nod when the man asked if that was all and take out his card.

With their heavy bags swinging by their sides, the four of them walked out laughing at the man. “Poor guy probably lost his level cause he had to serve us,” Kunhang said, shaking his head.

Once they were at a safe distance, they went into a silent alley so they could take out the stolen bottles and put them in the bags too. No sound was made around them, only cars that flashed by with no mind to the boys on the footpath under the forgiving moon. It was all too perfect.

When they got to the apartment, it was obvious that Mark was going to pass out soon. Yukhei had to be the one to carry him to the extra room and place him on the bed, begging his silently to stay awake until he could properly undress him from all his sweat-soaked clothes.

“Would you be able to have a quick shower too?” Mark could hear Yukhei whisper to him in the dark room, but the laughs from the other room overpowered his voice and then his strength.

Mark raised his head and scoffed. “Not unless you help me,” he said.

And so Yukhei helped him.

He pushed Mark’s naked body gently into the warm running water, letting him sit down on the floor as he gathered the shampoo and body wash. Neither of them muttered a single word; all it was was Yukhei sliding his wet hands down different parts of Mark’s body, signalling to let him wash there. Even as the water soaked the front of his shirt, Yukhei still focused on Mark not slipping into sleep while he was still showering. It was all severely intimate; Mark didn’t have the mind to protest against any of it.

It came to a point where Dejun and Kunhang had to help Yukhei carry Mark out of the bathroom in the only spare towel the boys had. The loose strands snagged against the door, Mark would mumble something and then fall back against Yukhei’s chest. The only thing they could bother with was putting on underwear over his cold body and tuck him in goodnight.

“Maybe next time don’t stay up the whole night before a gig, yeah?” Yukhei muttered and slid the covers over Mark’s body, smiling slightly when he saw the boy whine a little under the stares of his friends. He dug himself deeper into the warmth and shrugged their hands away, turning to his side.

The boys blowed air out softly, watching Mark fall asleep. “How do you actually do it?” Dejun wondered directly to Yukhei, shaking his head fondly at his sleeping friend.

Yukhei blew out a sigh. “I have no idea.” He was smiling in the dark, watching Mark’s lashes flutter a little before settling.

-

Mark woke up to ten missed calls drowning his phone’s notifications.

It was still early in the morning and Yukhei was perfectly knocked out beside him, his naked body faced towards the wall as he snored. Had Mark not been dying of fatigue, he might’ve laughed. The laughing then would’ve stopped once he saw who exactly it _was_ making his phone lose battery.

Three rings in and the call broke open. The sound of hesitant breathing welcomed Mark’s morning.

“Why did you feel it was appropriate to call me ten times?” Mark whispered, glancing back at Yukhei’s body to make sure he was still asleep. All that welcomed him was stray strands of dead hair peeking out of the covers.

**“Because I wanted to wake you up.”**

Mark huffed and sat up, mildly distraught. “So basically you called to piss me off,” he groaned and wiped his face with his hand. Though Yukhei wasn’t awake, he could already smell the wavering scent of breakfast wash through the room. It must’ve been the other two cooking up a nice mean for Mark to wake up to. “What do you really want, Donghyuck?”

On the other side, Donghyuck laughed at Mark’s sudden brashness and made a move to sit down. He could hear it all, even down to the meow of Renjun’s cat Mark knew he had. Milo was her name. Mark had to say he liked the pet more than the owner. He didn’t really like any of Donghyuck’s friends.

 **“You never texted me back,”** Donghyuck said into the phone finally. Mark counted to five before letting out a breath.

“We never texted before, I don’t know why you thought it was time to start doing it now.”

Donghyuck was disappointed, that much Mark could gather from the short breath he took in the silence that stretched between them. He wished it wasn’t there; he wished he wasn’t having this call. But still, **“you should’ve realised by now that everything’s going to be different.”**

Oh, but how Mark didn’t want it to. He left Donghyuck there that night because he wanted to leave it all behind, leave _him_ behind. Having Donghyuck calling and texting him every chance he got wasn’t exactly what he’d hoped would come out of it all. Saying he didn’t expect it was something else, however.

“Your brother’s sleeping next to me now, can I call you back and talk about it later?” Mark asked. There wasn’t much to hope for, not when Donghyuck could very easily flip and yell out. If Yukhei woke up to find his best friend on the phone talking nervously with his brother, Mark wouldn’t know how to explain the plainest of things let alone the fact that he fucked his best friend’s younger brother in a public bathroom the weekend before. That was on him alone and no one else.

There was a sigh and a noise after that Mark only assumed was Donghyuck moving around. **“I want you come see me tonight,”** and he said it. All that Mark feared was that it would come true, that this wasn’t a demand but only fate.

Fate said that Mark was just as obsessed with what happened that night as Donghyuck was. Maybe ever more so.

“And how is that going to work?”

The dangerous thing here was that what they were talking about, who he was talking to, it could’ve been interpreted as a figment of his imagination. In this, here, he had no power, he could hold nothing in his grasp. Donghyuck who was the one who’d been thrown to the ground, roughed up and spat at, he could be taking his revenge whenever he felt he wanted it. In a second, what was between them could either have been a dream or a disaster for Mark.

This was how it was going to work.

**“Yukhei’s going out tonight-”**

Mark interrupted him. “What, how do you know this?” he asked. Donghyuck was annoyed.

**“He told me.”**

“Whatever.”

 **“You come over. I want you here at nine.”** Glass clinked on Donghyuck’s side, the sound of running water. Mark swallowed his own saliva and watched the city outside the small window wake up. He could hear the faint buzzing of the car engines running, taking people places. He wondered what it’d be like if he just took one himself and left. Left Yukhei and his grandma, his home, his studies. Then Donghyuck would be able to forget this. But no.

He had things to do today. There was a potential opening in the nearest university to him, offering night classes for a business diploma to help anyone kick start their own cafes and stuff. Though Mark didn’t have the credentials to actually transfer into his desired course, by obtaining the diploma, he’d gain the experience within the field he needed and could get the board to reconsider his application by the end of the year. Let him pursue the business degree he told his grandfather he’d get before he passed away. So he needed to go to the information session for that. Then there was his dreaded drug test scheduled by his aunt.

Half his family seemed to love him, the other half…reminded him too much of the man who took away his mother’s life.

“Fuck you, Donghyuck,” he said, breathing straight into the phone. He was tired and he needed water. He didn’t have the time for this. “ _Fuck you._ ”

There was only an hour and a half before the session started by the time he hung up. Kunhang and Dejun welcomed him into the living area with three buttered waffles and bacon, some coffee he didn’t even have to ask for.In it was exactly two and a half sugars, sweet but with enough bitterness to balance it out. Mark said a silent thank you to the both of them and drew the mug closer to his chest.

No one spoke until Yukhei came waddling out of the bedroom, looking all disgruntled and wrinkled in his sleeping boxers. Mark wanted to make a half ass joke about how he looked like a duck but then Kunhang shoved two painkillers in his hand and suddenly the thought wasn’t as appealing as before.

It was Yukhei who ruffled Mark’s messy hair and smiled at them all. “Good morning, everyone,” he greeted them all, blindly grabbing for a plate with food on it. Then the conversation of last night started, Dejun’s laughs cutting through Mark’s aching head and thoughts.

“Mark has a big day today, doesn’t he?” Yukhei said, turning to him proudly. The light peaking through the small windows lit his entire body, his face, hair, chocolate hazel eyes. Mark felt his heart briefly ache for something he didn’t have. Instead of dwelling on the feeling, he drank his coffee. It was cold against his lips.

Dejun set down the spatula that was in his hand and clapped his hands. “I’m actually super excited for you, dude,” he said, smiling widely. Mark’s head hurt too much to reciprocate the smile. “You’re gonna knock the session outta the park _and_ you’ll get to see your cousins too.”

That was right, he would get to see his family soon. The rich ones who lived at the top of the hill in their pretty and big houses who chose not to help their low-income nephew because they thought he was too much like his father, too much of a desolate and incompetent being. At least his little cousins wanted to see him and play with him.

“Yeah,” he laughed even if it was a little acrid. He looked down to his waffles. “Yeah, at least I get to see them.”

Yukhei brought a hand up to rub his back and for the first time, Mark didn’t feel the comfort he sought. He just felt skirmish.

-

The session ran smoothly, and then the drug test came out completely negative. Seeing his aunt’s scowl grow even wider at the news brought satisfaction to Mark when the nurse told them that he was all clear. Neither of them dared speak when he climbed into the passenger seat of her black Porsche and ran his calloused hands down the front of the leather. She couldn’t even tell him to stop, just stare off distastefully. Everything that was untouched now had Mark’s fingerprints on it. His own little mark in their terrible lives.

As per usual, the house stood tall and proud between two other just as big white houses with their concrete fences and perfectly trimmed bushes. Mark wanted to roll his eyes at how stupid they all looked, but he didn’t. If he was truthful to himself, he knew he would take this a million times over than what he had now. Everyone knew that, Yukhei did, even Donghyuck and his friends. It was no simple secret.

The car rolled to a stop as the black gate opened automatically, waiting so they could park into the garage. Mark bit his lip sharply when he saw the front yard and their steps, just everything he didn’t have. It made him jealous and that alone his aunt thrived on. His whole family fed on it. They stepped out and closed the car doors.

“I want you to go wash your hands before you go to the girls, do you understand me?” His aunt demanded, standing firmly in front of his path to the door. Mark had no choice else but to nod and wait for her to turn around and unlock the door. He held his breath.

It was mayhem inside. The sound of their two dogs clashed with the screams of his cousins running around the staircase. Mark could already imagine the girls in their tutus chasing after Beoteun and Haecho while his uncle ignored them both on his laptop. From the lack of cars out the front, it seemed that his other cousins hadn’t arrived as of yet.

Quickly, he was pushed into the small bathroom right near the entrance and then left alone so he could freshen up just the way he was told to. He had to do this every time, clean himself up as if he was a farm animal, a fucking pig, so the cute little children could play with him. It set Mark’s skin off in the worst way possible. It made him feel used.

He washed his hands anyway, rinsing his face briefly. Then he stepped out of the bathroom and turned to Jisoo and Hyunjin. They paused in their steps and stared. The house was silent for once second and then:

“Minnie oppa!” They both screamed and ran into his arms, throwing him back onto the timber floor. His aunt and uncle looked on, disturbed. Mark paid them no mind.

Truly, one of the reasons Mark still kept contact with his family was because of the children and the fact that they were the only ones who didn’t hold any judgment against Mark. Even Geunsoo, who was turning seventeen in less than three weeks, he still looked up to Mark like he was his idol. And truthfully, it meant something so big to Mark knowing that there were people who admired and looked up to him like he wasn’t just a body full of mistakes. Instead he was seen as someone full of potential, the what-ifs instead of the criminal record.

That’s what pushed Mark to deal with the people that turned on him and his grandparents the moment they found out they took in the child of their sister. _That’s_ the thing Mark could never forgive, them leaving their own parents to suffer for the actions of another man.

One day the drug tests would stop, Mark promised himself that. One day he’ll be the one ordering _them_ around. Then they’ll get to see what the real world looks like.

“You guys have grown so much,” he laughed and brought them in closer into his arms, letting them grow comfortable in his lap. He didn’t even mind the scratchy material of their tutus as they bunched up around him, the pink of Jisoo’s and green of Hyunjin’s gathering at his stomach.

The two giggled and dug themselves further into his sides. Then Haecho and Beoteun came along, licking his broken knuckles and his ears. He laughed and shook his head at the feeling.

“We missed you, oppa,” Jisoo pulled away and said, pouting a little. A bitter piece of acid fell into Mark’s stomach watching her, feeling the guilt twist knowing it was genuinely his fault for being away for longer this time. He patted her head and gave a kiss to her crown. Then he did the same to Hyunjin before she could complain.

Mark’s uncle, his aunt’s husband, decided then was the time to stand up from their island stool, rising his full height above the trio bundled up together on the floor. His bulk shoulders crackled under the sudden strain, startling Mark enough to look up at him.

He was a big man, the handsome prototype that you saw in the magazines advertising watches for men in those overly expensive suits. That _was_ him. He who took up pages of the fashion magazines and walked down the runway, the red carpets. His aunt’s husband was a world renowned model, Kim Sanghoon. But he was also a bitter man. One who hated Mark just as much his wife did.

“Minhyung, still not dead yet?” he asked, raising his brow. They heard his aunt’s high-pitched laugh behind them in the kitchen, obviously laughing at the joke. Sanghoon smiled with her. “Would’ve thought the drugs or _something_ would’ve had you cold in an alley somewhere by now. You know,” he made a neck slice motion, that sick smirk still plastered on his face, “dead.”

The girls weren’t laughing.

Hyunjin stood up and brought her hands to her chest, mocking her father’s stance. Mark almost laughed watching the two be so alike in the moment. “Appa, you can’t say that!” she said, stomping her foot to the ground. “That’s such a mean thing to say. Say sorry!”

Then Jisoo rose with her, doing the same thing. The two became a barrier to Mark’s sight of him.

“Yeah, say sorry right now!”

The bemusing sight only lasted so long when Sanghoon rolled his eyes and pushed aside the two so very easily, offering a hand out for Mark to stand up. He stared at the sight, the strong fingers, long and pink and soft and unlike Mark’s own. But in that moment, they felt like claws ready to scratch at his skin until he bled open. Sanghoon wouldn’t have even cared if it was in front of his own children, not if he had the satisfaction of seeing Mark bleed dry.

Mark took it, although with a tick of hesitation, and let the crushing grip bring him upright. He tried breathing a little lighter when the hand didn’t give up, and squeezed tighter on his smaller bones. Then he let go and laughed like he and Mark were friends.

“Sorry, Minhyung-ah for the bad joke,” he said then and smiled, stepping back so the two girls could go back to holding Mark’s hands. He gave a false smile to Sanghoon then laughed, laughed until his cheeks hurt.

The clock on the wall read _4:36pm_.

He turned to his uncle and bowed, bending his back forward till it hurt and his fringe fell right into his eyes. So low that he could see the dogs tilt their heads at him curiously, wondering what he was doing standing in front of this man without saying a word. False respect to a false idol.

“Lovely to see you as always, uncle,” Mark said and stood back up, delighted with the shocked expression sitting on Sanghoon’s face. He didn’t even want to know his aunt was looking like now, knowing definitely that she saw.

To Mark’s delight however, the doorbell rang and the house was once again put into action. His aunt jumped up from her spot in the kitchen and ran down the hall, past Mark and the girls so she could open the door. The dogs yapped at the sudden sound, wagging their tails waiting to see who it was. Mark waited too.

It was his Geunsoo, Bada and their parents. Mark immediately smiled when he saw them through the slither of the door, jumping on his feet when he heard their laughs.

When the four entered the house and saw Mark, surprisingly, the first person to come running to him was his uncle. He, like Sanghoon, was part of the family through marriage, marrying his mother’s sister. He was also the only one who seemed to genuinely like Mark (other than the children).

“Minhyung-ah,” he greeted Mark. His voice was loud in his ears but Mark let it go, wrapping his own arms around him. “Have you grown since we last saw you?”

Mark laughed generously when his uncle pulled back. Mark patted him on the back. “Uncle! Unfortunately I haven’t, I’m going to be stuck a midget for the rest of my life.”

“Don’t say that, son,” his uncle laughed, holding onto Mark’s bicep. From the corner of his eye, he saw his aunts walk past them, their long faces the exact same. Mark chose to shake his head and focus on him instead. “You’re the perfect height for you. Makes you all the more handsome.”

Afterwards, Bada barrelled into his arms and almost started sobbing when she recounted how much he missed. She said she couldn’t describe how much she waited for him to come back. She even made Mark promise her to come to her next ballet recital. “I definitely promise that I’ll make it,” he said to her when she wouldn’t let go, patting her gently on the back. Geunsoo was more quiet when he came and said hello.

After that, everything seemed to settle down a bit. Dinner was going to be served soon and the kids were sent to do their own thing.

“You know,” Geunsoo said when they were all resting around the living room, the parents drinking on wine in their hands over in the dining room. Maybe every once in a while one of them would come in just to check on Mark and make sure he wasn’t doing anything bad to the children, then leaving again when they wouldn’t find anything. Mark would roll his eyes every time. “Everyone missed you.”

Mark turned to him then, cocking his head to the side. He admired how much his cousin had grown. “I missed everyone too.”

Gone was the chubbiness of young age, instead replaced with sharp lines even Mark himself didn’t have. It seemed that the boy was slowly becoming a painting of dull colours, strokes made by the best artist. He was turning into a beauty Mark was envious of. Geunsoo soon would have girls chasing after him, confessions and love letters and later on, he’d even be able to do something with those chiseling eyes and tall figure. He would be like Sanghoon in that way.

Mark was jealous because he didn’t have any of that.

“Hey, hyung?” Geunsoo asked, drawing forward in his seat. Mark hummed to say he was listening. He was watching Hyunjin and Jisoo play with their dollhouse on the floor, making sure none of the pieces got lost. “One day…one day when you leave us and get a big house and become super happy, will you still talk to us? Your cousins I mean.”

The girls still played with their dollhouse and Bada still had her earphones watching some Youtube video. It was only Mark who heard and him who paid attention. He looked up to Geunsoo’s shadowed eyes and smiled, reaching out to squeeze his hand. It was much warmer than his own but Mark didn’t mind it.

He breathed once through his teeth. “What kind of question is that, Soo?” Mark said and shook his head, pulling away again. Still, he scooted closer to Geunsoo and smiled up at him. “Of course I will. I’ll take you on tours and we can stay at all different hotels together and explore the world. How does that sound?”

Geunsoo smiled shyly and nodded his head, drawing his knees to his chest to hide his face. “Yeah, I’d like that very much.”

The noise from the tv played in the background and when his aunt came in to shout “dinner’s ready!” Mark couldn’t help the smile that graced his face for the first time at the dining table. He thought about the future and he thought about his cousins and his friends. He thought about making Yukhei proud most of all.

Sanghoon grunted from the head of the table and held his hand out.

“Minhyung, pass the salad.”

Yeah, life would get better for him.

-

One text to Yukhei confirmed indeed that he was out with some uni friends he hadn’t yet introduced to Mark. When he asked why, Mark just played it off as wanting to get some dinner. _i’m so sorry minnie, we’ll go tomorrow?_

He just answered back with a heart emoji and made his way to Yukhei’s apartment.

When he travelled up the staircase, Mark didn’t seem to hear the crashing sounds from inside the apartment because a small smile was starting to form on his lips as he took his own set of keys to open the door.

It was dark, there no lights on and the blinds were drawn shut. There was nothing there except the stench of stale takeout and unwashed clothes, even something that smelled very closely to vomit. Mark was startled when he heard the murmuring coming from the closed bedroom, Donghyuck’s bedroom.

Switching the light on, Mark didn’t bother putting down his bag as he approached the thin door painted a cheap white. It was chipping at the edges but it didn’t seem to matter in that moment. Mark reached for the handle, confused by the sounds. He swung it open.

Mark’s chin quivered.

There Donghyuck was on all fours, his tanned skin paid no justice under the white light of his room, rammed from the behind from some other bigger and _stronger_ man than Mark. The noises he heard were coming from Donghyuck’s loose mouth, lips parted and open just so Mark would hear the moment he’d enter. His head was turned to the door and his eyes open just the way they’d been in the bathroom with Mark and he was _smiling_.

Donghyuck had planned all of this.

Feeling suddenly sick, Mark grabbed the doorknob and slammed the door closed, running out. He skipped steps out on the creaky staircase and ran out of the complex. His tears blinded him as he followed the sidewalk down to the nearest station. He wanted to go home.

Mark just wanted to go home.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to comment what you think!
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/doyounglberry)


End file.
